MISSING COCK

The priest in a small Irish village loved the cock and ten hens he kept in the hen house behind the church.

But one Saturday night the cock went missing. The priest knew that cock fights happened in the village so he started to question his parishioners in church the next morning. During Mass, he asked the congregation, "Has anybody got a cock...?"

All the men stood up.

"No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock...?"

All the women stood up.

"No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock that doesn't belong to them...?"

Half the women stood up.

"No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen MY cock...?"

All the nuns, three altar boys, two priests and a goat stood up

Pasta Party

I decided to invite a couple of friends from work, first picture is Virginie and the second is Stéphanie. I must admit that it wasn't really an innocent invitation... Stéphanie is also a hairdresser. I can not remember the last time I went to get my hair cut, Oh I am such a good looking liar - it was last June... yes JUNE 2004. So you can imagine what I looked like with 8 months of hair growth... Ab Fab.

I kindly asked Stéphanie to cut my hair, and because she is someone very kind, she sais "Yes". So I now have short hair (really short to tell you the truth) and I look like an International Top Model.

I must also admit that we did empty two bottles of Country Rosé Wine in between the haircut, so I think that a good day was had by all.

Love, Hugs & Kisses

Darrin

Perhaps I should read les rules !!!

I've just had a look at the "Help Centre" online, and it mark's that it is not possible to posted pictures or any others attachements via le mail-to-Blogger. So what I would like to know is why I was able to post some photos just last week...? That is the Question !?!?!?!

E-mail Test

I just thought I can give it an other go. I'm crossing my fingers

Sniff sniff, It didn't work

Snotty Nosed Kid

Hi everyone,

The week has only just begun and I am already worn out, I must admit that the week started with a BANG.

So here's the whole story

Well like everybody knows at he moment I am working in a secondary School, which means that I have the most wonderful luck... I get to eat School Meals even at my age. This afternoon a child called Esteban asked if he could have a paper hand towel to wipe his hands during the midday meal, so I replied that I was very very sorry but... NO!, because the Head Dinner Lady asked us not to get them out, to which nothing else was said and we all finished our meal.
I was surpose to make Samouraï Hats this afternoon, but I only had three children, so I asked Stéphanie (Co-Worker) if she didn't mind taking the three little Kiddies, while I did something else. She sais "No Problem", so I left all my stuff with her (Paper, Pencils, and my Fab Pale Green Sweater. At 1:20pm I went to pick up all my stuff, so that I could put it all away and what did I saw... Someone had wiped their nose on the sleeve of my Fab Pale Green Sweater. So I kept my calme, (because NO we can not get angry and smack these kids about) and sais "Who did that", to which Estéban stood up and said "It was me, I did that to get back at you because you didn't give me a paper hand towel during the meal". The directer is going to speak with his mother and send a rapport to the Town Hall.

Personally I would like to have his lips sown together (that must be my really wicked side coming out), but I sure that you still love the same.

Bye for Now

Darrin

It's time to calme down

I do not know why, but since yesterday I am unable to post my messages with images or photographs via my e-mail. I surpose this is going to be one great mystery, and I will never find the answer to my question.

Knowing myself as I do, I am capable of sending 1000's of mails just until it works again. Well it's 7 o'clock in the evening so that means it's time to take a before dinner drink... in other words an aperitif.

 

Bye bye for Now

 

Darrin

This is not working...!!!!!!!!!!!

This is going to get me mad, if it doesn't start working correctly

Testing Testing

Just a quick test to see if I can post photos to my wonderful Blog

What a surprise

This evening, I decided to call my sister Terrie, because since the 17th of may, she should have had her Internet connection installed. Each time I send her a mail, it doesn't get delivered... so either the address is wrong or the internet has not been connected, so I thought I would give her a call to set my mind at ease. I dialed her phone number, dring.. dring.. et dring.. when someone pick up the phone.

1. Me: "Hello Terrie"
2. Other Person: "No, it's not Terrie"
3. Me: (thinking - But who's this person...?)(Massive big Brain Movement)
4. Me: "Margy" (My Aunt Margaret - but I have the right to call her Margy)
5. Other Person: "Yes it is Margy"
6. Me: Screaming really really loud - then thinking I hope I haven't deafened her.
7. Margy: "So how are you doing my wonderful and really good looking nephew"
8. Me: "Well I'm better looking since you last saw me"
9. Margy: "Yes Terrie said to me that you were getting better looking"

Well I'm not going to write down our whole conversation, but it's lasted about 20 minutes, just for your information certain words HAVE BEEN changed because we don't really talk like that in Liverpool.

Well to cut a long story a little shorter, my sister wasn't in... my niece wasn't in either... and Margy was housesitting. So I surpose that I am going to hava to call her back tomorrow to find out why I can't send her any E-Mails.

Nip & Tuck

Yes I know it's alittle late, but don't forget for you folks in England it's only 9:30pm. For me it's time to go and watch Nip/Tuck : Sea, Sex and Scalpel... don't you just love this serie, because I do.

Bye Bye

Darrin

Scouse Mother

I just love this one, each time I look ay it I just burst out laughing

Scouse Joke

An Australian, an Irishman and a Scouser are in a bar.

They're staring at another man sitting on is own at a table in the corner, He's so familiar, and not recognising him is driving them mad.  

They stare and stare, until suddenly the Irishman twigs: "My God, it's Jesus!"

Sure enough, it is Jesus, nursing a pint.

Thrilled, they send him over a pint of Guinness, a pint of Fosters and a
pint of bitter.

Jesus accepts the drinks,smiles over at the three men, and drinks the pints
slowly, one after another. After he's finished the drinks, Jesus approaches
the trio.

 
He reaches for the hand of the Irishman and shakes it, thanking
him for the Guinness.

When he lets go, the Irishman gives a cry of amazement:
"My God! The arthritis I've had for 30 years is gone. It's a miracle!"

Jesus then shakes the Aussie's hand, thanking him for the lager. As he lets
go, the man's eyes widen in shock.
"Strewth mate, the bad back I've had all my life is completely gone! It's a miracle."

Jesus then approaches the Scouser who says,
"Back off mate, I'm on disability benefit!"

The Sex Shop

A woman walks into a sex shop and says to the salesman "Where are the dildos?"

The clerk points and says "On the wall over there."

The woman looks and says "I want one of the red ones."

The salesman says "No, lady. The dildos are the ones next to the fire extinguisher."

Before and After

Just to show you all how hard we worked today, I'm posting "before" & "after" photos, that way you can judge for yourselves.

Before 19/07/04


After 06/05/05

I worked hard for the Money

Well to tell you the truth, I did work hard today but I didn't get any money for it. Jean-marc and I spent the afternoon cutting the grass, jean-marc was mowing the lawn and I was raking it up and throwing on the heap at the bottom of the garden.
So must say that the garden is Ab Fab, totally wonderful, if it wasn't so bloody cold at the moment, I would be running barefooted in the garden ( yes yes don't worry I promise if I do so I will keeping my clothes on or at least the Thong - that why I will not shock the neigbours).
I hope you like the joke down below, ha ha ha

Take Care Darrin

That Sucks...!

Three men were on a trip to Saudi Arabia. One day, they stumbled into a harem tent filled with over 100 beautiful women.

They started getting friendly with all the women, when suddenly the Sheikh came in.

"I am the master of all these women," said the Sheikh. "No one else can touch them except me. You three men must pay for what you have done today. You will be punished in a way corresponding to your profession."

The Sheikh turned to the first man and asked him what he did for a living.

"I'm a cop", said the first man.

"Then we will shoot your penis off!", said the Sheikh.

He turned to the second man and asked him what he did for a living.

"I'm a fireman", said the second man.

"Then we will burn your penis off!", said the sheik.

Finally, he asked the last man, "And you, what do you do for a living?"

And the third man answered, "I'm a lollipop salesman."

CowBoy Boots

To try and calme myself down, I decided to go surfing on the net, and while I was surfing I found this joke.

Cowboy Boots Sam had always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots.

Seeing some on sale one day, he buys them and wears them back home. He walks into the living room and says to his wife "Notice anything different, Helen?"

Helen looks him over and says "Nope."

Sam says excitedly "Come on, Helen, take a good look. Notice anything different about me?"

Helen looks again and says "Nope."

Frustrated, Sam storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back into the room, completely naked except for his boots.

Again he asks, a little louder this time, "Notice anything DIFFERENT?"

Helen looks up and says "Sam, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow."

Furious, Sam yells "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, HELEN? IT'S HANGING DOWN BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!"

To which Helen replies "Shoulda bought a hat, Sam, shoulda bought a hat."

It's a Bank Holiday here

Hello to all my dear readers,

Well I don't know for you, but over here in France we are not working today because it's a Bank Holiday. Since this morning I have been working on one of my other blogs, and It's no good trying find it, because it's my secret one. I know what you are all like (here I'm talking about my family members), you all must be thinking "There must be some really naughty on that one, if he doesn't want to give us the address" - well, you are all wrong.
Well like I was saying, I have spent nearly all day trying to reprogramme my other blog, so that people can automatically add me to there "Favorite Blogs" section. I suppose that you have notice that I wrote the word "trying", because I didn't find the way to do it... so I gave up about 20 minutes ago. At the moment the weather is really terrible, no sun, no blue sky, but cold damp weather... and when you think that I have got fours jours off work, I could crying my eyeballs out. Well I think that it's time to have a nice cup of coffee, not the cat's wee that you get in England, but French "make-your-hairs-on-your-chest-stand-up-on-end" strong coffee.
Talking about wee, it's just started to piddle down with rain, that will teach to not laugh at british coffee.

Take Care Darrin

Darrin's Family & Friends

Sweet Dreams

Good Night

Good Night and God Bless

Yes, I know it's quite late...!

I just thought that I would like to write a couple of lines before I go to Bed

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So here they are thoses lines, Ha Ha Ha

Love Darrin

Family Ties

Well, let me welcome you all to my wonderful Weblog that I created for my very dear Family living in England, having said that they all don't live in England.

• Well first of all there's Aunt Margy, she's the mad and wild one. But having said that I haven't seen Margy since september 2000, so perhaps she has calmed down (but to tell you the truth... I hope not). She lives in England
• Uncle Jimmy and Aunt Irene who also live in England, and I am going to profit to thank them for their presences when we needed family support the most in september 2000*
• Uncle Billy and Aunt Joan, they too live in England. We keep in contact par e-mail, but so many years have gone by since I last saw them nearly 20 years, shame on me
• Uncle Tony and Aunt Mary, I know that they are still living because my sister told me so, she saw them at one of the family's wild and wonderful get-togethers. I would even say the same thing as for Billy & Joan, that must be about 20 years since I last saw Tony & Mary.

I don't think that I have forgotten anyone... if so please forgive my ageing brain.

Now what about my cousins:-

Well let me tell you that there are quite alot running about out there.

• Joanne, James, Iain, Stewart, Karen, Paul, Andrew, Kerst, Lorraine, Debbie, Paul, Steven, Franck Jackie, Tony, Jamie, Gillian, there is also Gillian's sister but I can't remember her name (I should be a shamed of myself)

It's starting to get late, and tomorrow morning I have to get up at 5am, so I am going to stop here for tonight.

Bye for now, Darrin

*Thank you, thank you and thank you one more time

PS I have to tell you more about my Sister and Alex